my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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