i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
