Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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