Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
