dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
