After last night, I could never be a politician.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
