you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize