Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
