only if we run a train.
done.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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