I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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