Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
