I skipped work to stalk him.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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