when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
