so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
