i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
