I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
