You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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