I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
