nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
