Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
