So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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