Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
