I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
