We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
