"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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