She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize