Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
