I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
