Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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