I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
