My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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