they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
