I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize