If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
