I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
