why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
