would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
