The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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