I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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