laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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