Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize