Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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