dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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