Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
