By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
