my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My Higher Power is John Stamos
accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
