Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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