I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize