i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
