My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
