I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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