Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
