i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
