My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
