Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
