Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
