Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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