DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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