I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize