You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
