first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
