if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ketchup is God's man juice
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
