there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize