So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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