Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
