I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
