Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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