how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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