I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
