We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
