Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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