The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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