i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
