if only i could text you this smell
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
