Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
