I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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