He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize