Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
