smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize