happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize