well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
