I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
