I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
