Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
