One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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