Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
