Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
