U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize