I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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