i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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