I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this just has baby written all over it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
