drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
