Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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