Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
