I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
