I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
