my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
