So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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