Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
