so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
