I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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