PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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